Sometimes it is easier to express or grasp a concept of something that is new or difficult when it is in line with something we are already familiar with. Therefore, I have come up with this analogy to explain the do’s and don’ts of findom. While I am sure it is not perfect, as very little in this life is. Hopefully it will provide the “a-ha!” moments some need from time to time. (I am also certain I will update this as time passes).
*I understand the importance of gender neutrality and that both subs and Dom/mes are any and all genders but for the sake of making this easy, and going off the higher statistics, it is written with a male sub and female Domme in mind.
You are young, just reached drinking age. You have been drinking at home up till now but your girlfriend / wife, while lovely, just doesn’t mix a cocktail like the pros do…so you strut your way to downtown where there are many bars.
Welcome to Twitter. City street of a thousand bars and a giant block party. Here we party 24/7. People from all over the world come together for fun and celebration of our mutual love of booze (kink and findom). Now, there are many bars here, each ran by their own bartender (Domme) and each will have its own set of rules. It can be difficult, at first, to know what the rules are but many post them right on the door (bio, pinned tweet, pinned moment). Others, you can figure it out by watching how the other patrons are engaging (Twitter Feed). If you are ever in doubt you can ask.
Something to note, young one, as you enter into this…you are not going to like every bar or every bartender. Likewise, not every bartender is going to like you and the bartenders have the right to refuse service to anyone at anytime for any reason. So, you will need to be patient and look for a bar that is right for you before settling on it being “your” bar.
Findom Community Whores and Ownership
While I am on it, many bartenders are perfectly fine with patrons doing a bar crawl. Variety is the spice of life and all but it is important that you keep that in mind. If you want to do that just be honest about it and don’t try to sign up for exclusive VIP membership. VIPs are given special treatment in exchange for their loyalty and if you are caught trying to be an exclusive VIP of many bars you will likely be banned from all of them.
Check out the bars and see if there is a cover charge to get in (initial tribute). If there is, pay it before going in (DMing). If you try to sneak in and skirt around this you will most likely be banned. Just don’t be a thief and you will be welcomed. Some bars have a cover charge, some have a drink minimum (purchase items, clips, etc) and some simply don’t. It is your responsibility to ask.
Findomme – the bartender and owner
Once you have done that you are in her bar (DMs). The biggest thing you need to know is BE RESPECTFUL.
Yes, your findom bartender is hot, smart, sexy, talented, experienced (etc) which is why you picked the bar you did but she is not your girlfriend (stop treating Twitter like Tinder, that is a whole different red-light block). If you have a question; ask! If you have a lot of questions; plan on buying drinks (clips and items) or tipping (tribute) for her time. Do not sit at the end of the bar and expect her to visit with you while you drink water. There are LOTS of water stations for self service out on the street and in the bar (Twitter feed conversations). If you are just bored, lonely, or looking for some chat use the water stations. Because as you sit here wanting her time and attention she has 50 other people wanting the same (if she is a popular Domme). Some of them have money in hand and know exactly what they want. She will need to ask the others what they need. So, if you really have no plans on drinking you need to leave her bar and stick to the water stations (timewasters). If you don’t then you might find yourself kicked out (blocked).
So, far this is easy. Recap.
- Find a bar.
- Obey the rules.
- Buy a drink and /or tip well.
Do this and if there is a connection she may off your you a VIP membership. This is often where you get the privileged of chatting more. You also might get special drinks made, after hour parties and more. But what you get will vary from bar to bar. Telling one bartender how another runs their bar and expecting them to do the same is likely to get you kicked out. Each place is unique and it is up to YOU to be in the ones that you enjoy. Not up to them to change the bar to fit your liking.
Once in a while the findom bartenders will come out on to the street and offer samples (social media feed). This is a good way to get to know them and their style of drinks. But if they are running their business from a push cart, running around shoving a shot in your hand and screaming “TIP ME” then they are probably too new to the industry to invest in OR they are really just barbacks and dishwashers pretending to be bartenders (insta-dommes). You want to avoid these. They don’t provide a very good experience.
Bartenders work hard to build their brand. If you can’t find their brand anywhere (Iwantclips, Kinkbomb, Niteflirt, Manyvids, Clipsforsale, Personalwebsite, other verification) then they are probably not a good choice. Likewise, if a bartender is running a well established club with lots of branding and many patrons – do NOT ask them to make you a free drink to prove that they are really a bartender. This is likely going to piss them off and, once again, get you kicked out.
Bartenders talk. So, if you are a crappy patron they will let all the other bars know.
Retweeting and Promo
Speaking of branding. Some people like a bar so much they will go out to the block party and wear their shirts (promos) and hand out flyers with their favorites bars specials (retweets). This is a great way to help your favorites bars thrive. Sometimes the bartenders will kick you a free drink here and there for your service but that is not to be expected. Don’t expect to wear her shirt and sit at the end of the bar just talking to her. (Retweet and then blow up her Dm’s) acting entitled to her time bcause you are helping her. Promoting her in her own bar is useless. Go socialize and build and audience that you can bring back to the bar with you. THEN she MIGHT give you a drink. This should not be expected as you are really just sharing her amazing skills with the world so that she can keep her doors open.
Now, you might be thinking; “Fine I have a bar I like, I want to buy a drink or tip her…then what”. Well then you drink, you laugh, you have fun. She will try to do her best to make sure you don’t go so far past your limit that you are a danger to yourself and to others that night and let you have some fun and check out for a bit. Bartenders need to try to keep your fun and games inside there bar if the games are going to be on the offensive side (keep it in DM’s if it is offensive and not out on the feed). But have all the fun you want in the bar and do so safely.
It is up to you to control how often you drink. The bartender is not there to make that decision for you. If you are in her bar it is because you want to drink. If you are a VIP and you just want water once in a while, most are fine with that too. BUT if your drinking is a problem you need help.
If you want to quit drinking you go to AA not a bar. (If you want to quit
#findom you go to a therapist, not a Domme.)
Do not expect her to ignore her other patrons to hold your hand while you quit drinking.
If you act with dignity and respect you could wind up with a very respectful connection with a bartender who can give you exactly what you need that night.
Welcome to Findom – Please drink responsibly.